Understanding Asexuality: What It Is and What It Isn’t
Asexuality is one of those topics that gets misunderstood a lot. One of the biggest areas of confusion?
The difference between asexual vs aromantic identities. People often mix them up or assume they mean the same thing, but they describe two completely different experiences.
If you’ve ever wondered about these terms or questioned where you might fit, you’re in the right place. Let’s break it all down in a way that makes sense and clears up the confusion.
What is the difference between aromantic and asexual?
Think of attraction as a giant spectrum. Some people feel both romantic and sexual attraction, some feel just one, and some don’t experience either. That’s where asexual vs aromantic comes into play.
Asexual: You don’t experience sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean you don’t want relationships, but sex just isn’t a major factor (or it might not be on the table at all).
Aromantic: You don’t experience romantic attraction. That doesn’t mean you don’t care about people or want deep connections—you just don’t feel romantic attraction in the way that many others do.
Some people are both asexual and aromantic, meaning they don’t experience either form of attraction.
Others are one but not the other.
And that’s totally okay! Asexual vs aromantic identities are unique to each person, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience attraction.
Can you be asexual but not aromantic?
Absolutely! Many asexual people still experience romantic attraction and want deep, loving relationships.
They may dream of dating, falling in love, or even getting married—they just don’t experience sexual attraction. That’s why the distinction between asexual vs aromantic is important.
An asexual person who is not aromantic might love romance. They might enjoy cuddling, holding hands, going on cute dates, or celebrating anniversaries.
They just don’t feel the sexual pull that others do. Some asexual people choose to have sex for their partner’s happiness, while others prefer to keep their relationships non-sexual. It’s all about communication and finding what works for you.
On the flip side, some asexual people are also aromantic, meaning they don’t experience romantic attraction either.
They might prefer friendships, platonic partnerships, or a different type of connection that isn’t based on romance or sex.
Can aromantic asexuals fall in love?
The short answer? It depends on what you mean by “love.” Romantic love isn’t the only kind of deep, meaningful connection people can have.
Aromantic asexual people often form incredibly strong relationships, but those relationships may not fit the traditional idea of romance. Instead of romantic partnerships, they might prioritize:
Queerplatonic relationships: Deep, committed connections that aren’t romantic but are just as meaningful as any romantic partnership.
Close friendships: Many aromantic asexual people find their strongest bonds in friendships that last a lifetime.
Community and chosen family: Love isn’t limited to romance, and for some people, their strongest connections come from their support networks.
Love is a broad, flexible concept. You don’t have to experience romantic or sexual attraction to have deep, fulfilling relationships.
Asexual vs aromantic identities help us understand that love comes in many different forms.
How do I know if I'm asexual?
If you’re reading this and wondering, “Wait… does this sound like me?”—first of all, take a deep breath. Self-discovery is a journey, not a test you have to pass. If you’re questioning whether you might be asexual, ask yourself:
Do I feel sexual attraction to others, or does the idea of sex just not interest me?
Have I ever felt pressured to engage in sexual activity because it seemed expected, rather than because I actually wanted to?
Do I enjoy emotional intimacy but feel meh about sex?
Have I ever related to discussions about asexual vs aromantic identities in a way that made me feel seen?
Asexuality is a spectrum, and not everyone experiences it the same way.
Some people are graysexual (experiencing sexual attraction rarely or under very specific circumstances) or demisexual (only experiencing sexual attraction after forming a deep emotional bond). It’s okay if your feelings don’t fit into a neat box.
You get to define your own experience.
Meet Kendall Wolfe, LCSW
If you’re navigating these questions and need support, you don’t have to do it alone.
Kendall Wolfe (he/him) is our queer-identifying Licensed Clinical Social Worker. He has extensive experience working with asexual and aromantic clients and specializes in LGBTQ+ affirming care, mental health, and sexual health.
Kendall creates a space where people can explore their identities without judgment. Whether you’re questioning your attraction, struggling with relationships, or just need a supportive ear, he’s here to help.
Asexual vs aromantic conversations can bring up a lot of emotions, but having the right support makes all the difference.
Final Thoughts
Attraction and relationships are complex, and asexual vs aromantic identities show us that love isn’t one-size-fits-all. Not everyone experiences romantic or sexual attraction, and that’s completely okay.
If you’re questioning your identity, take your time. There’s no rush, and there’s no pressure to label yourself if you’re not ready. The most important thing is understanding what makes you comfortable and what feels right for you.
If you’re supporting someone who identifies as asexual or aromantic, the best thing you can do is listen, respect their experiences, and affirm their identity.
Attraction exists in many forms, and every experience is valid.
At the end of the day, relationships—whether romantic, platonic, or something in between—are about connection, support, and mutual respect.
No one experience is more valid than another, and embracing the diversity of human attraction makes the world a more inclusive and understanding place for everyone.
